This is an interesting question
which describes a common psychological experience.
And yet most of us are not aware of it. How can we
seek for something and yet not know that we are
seeking or what we are seeking. Here is the Mother's
very simple and practical answer to this question:
"There are so many things
you think, feel, want, even do, without knowing
it. Are you fully conscious of yourself and of
all that goes on in you? -- Not at all! If, you
example, suddenly, without your expecting it, at
a certain moment I ask you: "What are you
thinking about?" your reply, ninety-nine
times out of a hundred, will be: "I don't
know." And if in the same way I ask another
question like this: "What do you want?"
you will also say: "I don't know". And
"What do you feel?" -- "I don't
know". It is only to those who are used to
observing themselves, watching how they live, who
are concentrated upon this need to know what is
going on in them, that one can ask a precise
question like this, and only they can immediately
reply. In some instances in life, yes, one is
absorbed in what one feels, thinks, wants, and
then one can say, "Yes, I want that, I am
thinking of that, I experience that", but
these are only moments of existence, not the
whole time.
Haven't you noticed that? No?"
What is the true reason for
my being here?
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"Well, to find out what
one truly is, to find out why one is on earth,
what is the purpose of physical existence, of
this presence on earth, of this formation, this
existence... the vast majority of people live
without asking themselves this even once! Only a
small elite ask themselves this question with
interest, and fewer still start working to get
the answer. For, unless one is fortunate enough
to come across someone who knows it, it is not
such an easy thing to find. Suppose, for instance,
that there had never come to your hands a book of
Sri Aurobindo's or of any of the writers or
philosophers or sages who have dedicated their
lives to this quest; if you were in the ordinary
world, as millions of people are in the ordinary
world, who have never heard of anything, except
at times -- and not always nowadays, even quite
rarely -- of some gods and a certain form of
religion which is more a habit than a faith and,
which, besides, rarely tells you why you are on
earth.... Then, one doesn't even think of
thinking about it. One lives from day to day the
events of each day. When one is very young, one
thinks of playing, eating, and a little later of
learning, and after that one thinks of all the
circumstances of life. But to put this problem to
oneself, to confront this problem and ask oneself:
"But after all, why am I here?" How
many do that? There are people to whom this idea
comes only when they are facing a catastrophe.
When they see someone whom they love die or when
they find themselves in particularly painful and
difficult circumstances, they turn back upon
themselves, if they are sufficiently intelligent,
and ask themselves: "But really, what is
this tragedy we are living, and what's the use of
it and what is its purpose?"
And only at the moment does one
begin the search to know.
And it is only when one has
found, you see, found what he says, found that
one has a divine Self and that consequently one
must seek to know this divine Self.... This comes
much later, and yet, in spite of everything, from
the very moment of birth in a physical body,
there is in the being, in its depths, this
psychic presence which pushes the whole being
towards this fulfilment. But who knows it and
recognises it, this psychic being? That too comes
only in special circumstances, and unfortunately,
most of the time these have to be painful
circumstances, otherwise one goes on living
unthinkingly. And in the depths of one's being is
this psychic being which seeks, seeks, seeks to
awaken the consciousness and re-establish the
union. One knows nothing about it.
When you were ten years old,
did you know this? No, you didn't. Well, still in
the depths of your being your psychic being
already wanted it and was seeking for it. It was
probably your psychic which brought you here.
There are so many things happen
and you don't even ask yourself why. You take
them... it is like that because it is like that.
It would be very interesting to know how many of
you, till I spoke to you about it, had asked
yourselves how it happened that you were here?
Naturally, most of the time,
the reply is perhaps very simple: "My
parents are here, so I am here." However,
you were not born here. Nobody was born here. Not
even you, were you? You were born in Bangalore.
No one was born here... And yet, you are all here.
You have not asked yourselves why -- it was like
that because it was like that! And so, between
even asking oneself and giving an external reply
satisfactory enough to be accepted as final, and
then telling oneself, "Perhaps it is an
indication of a destiny, of the purpose of my
life..." What a long way one must travel to
come to that!
And for everybody there are
more or less external reasons, which, besides,
are not work much and explain everything in the
dullest possible way, but there is a deeper
reason which as yet you do not know. And are
there many of you who would be very much
interested in knowing why they are here? How many
of you have asked yourselves this question:
"What is the true reason for my being here?"
Have you asked yourself the
question? "
- The Mother
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