The Secret Will
The Supreme Will
As I look up, I realise that I have to climb
ever so high to even touch the smallest ray of this Supreme Will.
It is a perilous path and there is no secure footing: one false step
and I will cascade to the ground. At times of doubt, I feel so alone
and see no Guide to hold my hand on this precarious ascent. At times,
this path can be so unremitting. Particularly with the work on the
body, there are instances when it is like standing against a huge
wall. This wall symbolises the very denial of everything we are trying
to implement. At such times, whichever way I turn, I come up against
one more dead-end. These are colossal tests and unless one is armed
with a true will one will just crumple into a heap. So should I try
and assault this edifice myself? It would take a huge endeavour to
achieve this feat.
Self-giving
Right at the beginning of my time here, I was
indeed confronted with this prospect. Initially I had felt that every
aspect of my being wanted to take this route: the way of tapasya seemed
to fit. But when the time came, when I truly asked myself, much to
my surprise, a different answer immediately came. No, I now believe
there has to be another way. Perhaps one can even entreat a higher
power to demolish this wall! And this, for me, is where the Mother
comes in. How else can such impossibilities become realities? As long
as the Mother
is present there is not just hope but certainty. Like many of us,
I can often feel Her Force in action. That, for me, is the ultimate
reassurance.
I don't believe there is any point in waiting
for the next life for richer possibilities. We can always try to
reach our aim in this life. Perhaps too, it doesn't necessarily
have to be a long grinding haul. One look, one word or one single
experience might perhaps be sufficient. One bold leap into the unknown
may be all that is required. It helps to believe it can happen now.
Self-giving, I feel, carries us into a realm
of perfect synchronicity. The Mother
just takes over: this is the consummation of the supreme will. This
surrender may sound very simple and if one is prepared to drop absolutely
everything, I guess it is. But, in reality, it usually takes a long
time of preparation. It requires a considerable trust too. But I
know from brief glimpses that once there, I enter a state of glorious
freedom. A feeling of expansion pervades the entire being. But when
the time finally comes, I believe it will be quite effortless. When
at last the toil is over, I can simply melt at Her feet. I pray
that we can all get there one fine day.
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